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“Unable to perceive the shape of you, I find you all around me. Your presence fills my eyes with your love. It humbles my heart, for you are everywhere.”
Hakim Sanai
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I am pretty fascinated by one internet persona, a motivational guru Thewizardliz.
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I am now sitting and listening to her affirmation video: “Listen to this everyday for beauty and confidence (REUPLOAD)” (for research purposes).
Some of the affirmations go as follows:
“I am my dream person living in my dream reality”.
“I am worthy of anything I desire”.
“I am a magnet for blessings, miracles and beauty”.
“I am divine beauty embodied”.
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I must admit, I have very mixed feelings about this.
There is nothing wrong with self-love at this level, I would say. Life is hard enough for everyone around you and if someone’s confidence annoys you, you can simply ignore them. If it triggers you, I would think about why that’s the case.
Thewizardliz promotes unconditional self-love for women and teaches them how to command respect from people in their lives. She is very open about her past traumas, experiences with depression and a very straightforward approach towards men (i.e. no broke men welcome). She is also a religious lady and believes in some things that, let’s say it as it is, are purely paranormal.
She has a psychic therapist who talks to her about demons and dark energies; she also believes in the power of manifestation and aggressively optimistic self-affirmations.
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Visualisation is used in psychology and it is defined as ‘the process of creating a visual image in one’s mind or mentally rehearsing a planned movement in order to learn skills or enhance performance‘. It uses the power of your mind to shape the way you perceive the world, regulate your emotion and familiarise yourself with a state or action. It can enhance your motivation to achieve some goal since you are already experiencing the benefits of it in your mind.
And there is no difference between what happens in your mind and in reality. Is there?
For me, that is the real magic, the real horror and the real enigma.
Your mind doesn’t always know what is imagined and what is real. Mine, for instance, definitely doesn’t.
So, if you keep telling yourself that you are a divine being attracting loaded men, is that really going to work?
The answer, according to my research at least, is: well, maybe? If you can trick yourself into being more confident, there is nothing wrong with that. But you still need to do the work. And also, unfortunately, this is still the real world where good hard-working people sometimes fail.
This could be the truth about, for example, a job interview.
But what about, you know. This thing that soon I promise I will stop writing about.
What about love?
Is this just fairy-tale thinking or is there something behind it?
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I watched recently one love-themed fairy tale, a Guillermo Del Toro movie ‘The shape of water’.
It tells a story of a mute, meek woman who was waiting for her lover her entire life and finally found him in a sea monster.
This is a very common theme – discovering love in a man that is beast-like, that will save the princess, provide her with his raw sexual energy and also will destroy the enemies.
The movie was a bit hard for me to watch – I didn’t necessarily enjoy inter-species love-making scenes and, of course, one of the main characters kills a cat, so it is not easy for me to root for them.
The real monster in stories like this is someone else, a man everyone respects (think: Gaston) and probably, in reality, an arrogant, racist prick.
The beast is worth the wait and is your destiny. He is bigger than life and will be gentle and loving just for you.
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It is something like a positive affirmation. You must believe that you are very special and worthy to think that something so extraordinary will happen to you and a man, embodying both a beast and a prince, will distinguish you and choose you.
In life, things are not that simple and beasts are, unfortunately, mainly just beasts.
It is magical thinking to believe that you can tame a monster in a man, and domesticate his brutal spirit.
I am partially criticising myself here.
I do not dream of a prince but I do recognise that most attractive men in my mind are charismatic and maybe have some sort of wildness to them.
But at the same time, I want emotional stability and a simple, happy life. Is that even possible to find in one person, in one relationship?
Is that fairy tale thinking and denying reality? I am not sure, but I do not think this is, in most cases, a realistic wish and the recipe for a successful love life.
As Nietzsche said:
“I call an animal, a species, an individual corrupt, when it loses its instincts, when it chooses, when it prefers, what is harmful to it.”
So what kind of magic can help you, when actually what you want, visualise, and try to affirm, is wrong in the first place?
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W. B. Yeats, ‘Never Give All the Heart’.
Never give all the heart, for love
Will hardly seem worth thinking of
To passionate women if it seem
Certain, and they never dream
That it fades out from kiss to kiss …
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‘To a Friend in Love with the Wrong Man Again’ by Stephen Dunn
It was never meant to be sensible,
fully understandable. The digger wasp,
for example, goes up to the tarantula
like a friend and the tarantula freezes,
allows itself to be inspected.
Then it digs the tarantula’s grave
while the tarantula watches. You, I bet,
would have guessed with a name
like tarantula, the tarantula would’ve been
the villain.
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PS. So the conclusion is the question: Should you ask for things if you want the wrong things?
