The Awakening Conscience is a painting by William Hunt, showing a woman who committed adultery.
How do we know this? Her long red hair is down, so clearly, she must be a harlot, and she is not wearing a wedding ring despite sitting on a man’s lap.
The room also shows that her life is in disarray: it is cluttered, a cat is toying with a bird, and the colours are so vivid they can be considered tacky.
In her eyes, though, there is innocence and a longing for a simple life. She is experiencing a spiritual revelation; she is looking towards the light.
She fell from the divine grace but still had a chance for redemption.
On the painting’s frame, there is a quote from the Bible (Book of Proverbs (25:20)): “As he that taketh away a garment in cold weather, so is he that singeth songs to a heavy heart“.
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The beautiful red-headed model for this painting was Annie Miller, who posed for many Pre-Raphaelite artists. As no one would probably find it surprising, she was most likely also a lover of the author of this painting, who also depicted himself as the sitting man.
Why did he do that? Did he pass a moral judgment on the woman but not on himself? Did he not have any shame to partner her in her moral awakening as the source of her condemnation?
Was he not guilty, yet expected her to repent and work on her soul searching?
As the author, he had the power to create this still moment however he wanted, and he chose to appeal to her to seek God’s forgiveness.
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I often hear about things late, possibly because I like to escape from reality into the nineteenth century. Only this week, I learned about the abuse of the singer FKA Twigs by Shia LaBeouf and her unapologetic search for justice.
I also heard that some people treat him as almost a hero because he admitted that he was somewhat guilty of abusing women and he just had a really tough life.
He never addressed FKA Twigs directly, he only spoke about people, as a nameless collective easy to dismiss.
Shia said: “I have been abusive to myself and everyone around me for years. I have a history of hurting the people closest to me. I’m ashamed of that history and am sorry to those I hurt.”
However, he also “denies all allegations”.
Shia shows himself as a man worthy of forgiveness and redemption. He has a complicated past and holds within himself both good and bad.
Meanwhile, FKA Twigs (whose really name is Tahliah Debrett Barnett) claims that LaBeouf: “had employed a charm offensive on Tahliah, a tactic she now knows he used on other women, LaBeouf convinced her to move in with him. LaBeouf was engaging in grooming, gradually gaining Tahliah’s trust and confidence with the intent of abusing her. What followed was a living nightmare for Tahliah. Over a course of months, LaBeouf engaged in a continuous stream of verbal and mental abuse toward Tahliah, belittling her and berating her after the slightest perceived insult. LaBeouf isolated Tahliah from her friends and family, making it so her daily existence and routine revolved around LaBeouf and only LaBeouf.“
Can you forgive that? Can you forgive him for what he did to another woman as a woman?
According to a lot of people, yes.
We all have bad and good within ourselves; everything that happens to us is a lesson. Who are we to judge.
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Does that statement annoy you? It tends to annoy the living soul out of me, but I think I have recently calmed down a little.
Calming down is what the world requires from you to treat you seriously, doesn’t it?
Only when you are emotionless can you win a debate and be treated like a functioning adult. Like a person who has the power over the situation.
Otherwise, you are considered childlike. Or woman-like, whatever is worse.
I remember that recently, I tried to explain something to a friend in a public space. A lot of people could have seen us. I should probably be embarrassed to admit that, but I started crying about 30 seconds into that conversation.
My friend could not look at my tears and just left. I stayed alone, somehow not ashamed of my genuine sadness.
In the eye of the world, I know he was the one who acted rationally. It was a very small-scale interaction, a very small-world conflict. But I also know that the expectation now is that I move on from this and either forget and forgive, accept the situation, remove emotions, and act rationally, and anything else I could do would be considered wrong and chaotic.
And I will do that.
But I also know that many wrong things happened that led me to those tears. Should I forgive and accept, like nothing happened, because that would make everyone’s life easier?
A friend of mine told me that too much forgiveness will cause people to never learn their lesson. If you act like nothing happened, will they ever feel that there are consequences to their actions?
But at the same time, why does it have to be me? Why do I have to be the one who takes responsibility for the growth of allegedly grown men?
FKA Twigs took this responsibility. She is aware that these types of cases are not easy to win. She can now be abused by thousands of the actor’s fans and ridiculed for not leaving earlier and staying willingly in a toxic situation.
At the end of the day, she got herself into this, and nobody forced her to stay, right?
However, she decided that just forgetting without taking action would not teach the world a lesson on abuse. On how easy it is to become a casual victim, how impersonal it is and how abusers operate.
Also, that it could be anyone. People who hurt you often treat you just as another member of a nameless powerless collective they can use for their needs, and you are very easily replaceable. You are not unique, and it is very easy for them to forget about you and move on to another one.
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I am honestly just asking questions here. After writing my last post, a number of people asked me what my definition of forgiveness even is.
And I wasn’t sure. The Christian morality I grew up with taught me that you just need to love everyone, forgive everything that has ever happened to you, and use Jesus’ example of showing your other cheek to guide you in life.
I will not lie, it still does appeal to me in more way than one.
Having almost unlimited compassion towards others can make your life simpler and your conscience lighter. You remove any responsibility for other people’s actions, accept that others are flawed and decide to love them regardless.
The part that annoys me in this approach is weakness, submission, and letting people walk over you.
My soul craves love, but my experience warns me from becoming powerless.
Carl Jung said: “Where love rules, there is no will to power, and where power predominates, love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other“.
I am not sure, though, if we are fans of Carl Jung on this blog yet. I would rather listen to Dr. King, who claimed that “Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic.”
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How do you forgive while keeping your power, especially if you know that you belong to a discriminated minority or that you will be ridiculed and looked at as weak once you do it?
That the person you will forgive will only relish in their freedom to act however they want with no consequences?
In Leo Tolstoy’s ‘Anna Karenina’, there is an underappreciated character who is, for me, the only person worth a dime in the whole book.
Karenin, the unloved and laughable husband with big ears and veiny hands, that his wife Anna thinks about obsessively. As unattractive and boring as you can imagine.
He is hyperfocused on his career, treats his wife with utmost respect and without any passion and reads books on art not because he likes art but because believes it is social duty to have an opinion on it.
Anna, of course, cheats on him, that is the plot of this book.
Karenin initially asks her not to see her lover in his own house. She does it anyway. He started seeking divorce, which was a complicated and humiliating process at this time in Russia. Anna gets pregnant with her lover and delivers the baby, almost dying during the process.
She is ill and asks Karenin for forgiveness. Seeing her misery, he forgives her and her lover and takes care of the baby. Anna is sure she will die and dismisses Alexey, the father of the baby, who tries to kill himself.
Karenin finds solace in this situation. He knows his wife doesn’t love him, and the world sees his humiliation. He makes it even worse by doting on the daughter of his rival and unfaithful wife.
He can see how sad and weak this baby is, not cared for by anyone and abandoned. If not for him, the girl would most likely die.
After Anna gets better, she cannot stand her situation anymore. Karenin tells her that she can do whatever she wants, and she leaves the country with Alexey, abandoning her children.
Karenin finds this little love and peace in his humiliating state. Sometimes, he feels the burden of the external world’s judgement, but he wants to forgive and even be forgotten. His heart is no longer heavy.
Is there no power here? Power to actually defy the expectations of your state in order to love and forgive?
I think there might be power in submission, even power in humiliation, if you see how little what is perceived as power really means.
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There will be part 3 to this.
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The Envoy of Mr. Cogito by Zbigniew Herbert
Go where those others went to the dark boundary
for the golden fleece of nothingness your last prize
go upright among those who are on their knees
among those with their backs turned and those toppled in the dust
You were saved not in order to live
you have little time you must give testimony
be courageous when the mind deceives you be courageous
in the final account only this is important
And let your helpless Anger be like the sea
whenever you hear the voice of the insulted and beaten
Let your sister Scorn not leave you
for the informers executioners cowards – they will win
they will go to your funeral with relief cast a stone
throw mud under the marble sign of your betrayal
and the rats will build you a monument of granite
Remember this you should be wise not to serve injustice
and to remember your rage as you stand with the powerless
protecting those who have no protection
be faithful Go
