“The only real prison is fear, and the only real freedom is freedom from fear.” – Aung San Suu Kyi
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When I think of various women in my life, I wonder if we are ever free.
I am constantly unsure whether my determination to maintain my freedom is not just an escape from responsibility.
I am not sure if we are not always going to be prisoners of our biology, misogyny and, yes, fear.
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Maybe you haven’t heard about it, but at the end of last year, Aung San Suu Kyi, the ex-head of the Myanmar government, was sentenced to 33 years of imprisonment for several crimes that allegedly proved her corruption. The sentence was part of the aftermath of the coup d’etat that took place in 2021, which returned the Myanmar Armed Forces to power.
Aung San Suu Kyi dedicated her life to her country, following the path of her father. Between 1989 and 2010, she spent almost 15 years under house arrest for her political activity.
What I always found astonishing was the story of her husband’s death. While under house arrest in Myanmar, she was offered to visit her husband who had been diagnosed with terminal prostate cancer and lived abroad.
She refused to do it, afraid she wouldn’t be able to return to Myanmar and continue her political agenda.
While under arrest, she was free to make this heart-wrenching choice. Her husband, Aris, died on his 53rd birthday, not having seen his wife for over three years.
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There is a lot of criticism that people can raise about any political figure and politics, in general, are dirty. The situation in Myanmar, however, is still dire and I think it is the consensus that her sentence is not even close to being fair in any possible way.
I think a lot about this story though. How much conviction and devotion to your cause must you have, how fearless for your own well-being must you be to go this far?
If I were to face a choice like that, regardless of the cause, I would be afraid I could lose my sanity. Is this type of fear also a prison?
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More importantly, is this type of courage only reserved for unprecedented individuals, people whose lives are bigger than themselves?
I am pretty certain that her legacy will last much longer than her life. Is this something that would sustain the efforts of most people? If it wouldn’t, is it fear or just reason?
If she was a man, her separation from her husband and children, who live in the UK, definitely wouldn’t be that shocking. Great men have done things like that throughout history, and nobody would even wink if a male country leader chose his state over family affairs.
Being family-orientated is something that we treat as default for women, as part of our biology and turning your back on that law means that… There is something wrong with you. Something unnatural.
Something that could be only forgiven if you are a mother of a nation.
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I really want to be free from fear. Fear of judgement and fear of loneliness that my actions may lead me to.
At the same time, I fear letting go of some of the constructs that I was raised with. Letting go of my religious beliefs, replacing that with my own morality and questioning my choices related to what I wear, how I present myself, my sexuality and what I talk about still cost me a lot and I still feel like I’m probably doing everything wrong.
Can a woman be really free, when her body is treated so often like a product, her face like a desirable or non-desirable display and her biology like a threat and time-regulated commodity?
I am honestly not sure. With the passing of time, I am scared that sometimes when we are free to make the most difficult choices, the passiveness or fear itself, that the chaos of freedom can give us, might become our new jail.
